


i'll keep you safe

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, no i dont care about your feelings, yes kurapika uses they pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26410897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: kurapika has a panic attack after a nightmare while alone in a shared apartment. luckily leorio comes to their aid -uwu-
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	i'll keep you safe

**Author's Note:**

> hello lgbtq community it's been a while  
> i've been obsessed w hxh for a bit now and i now have leopika brainrot please for the love of god help me  
> uhh there shouldnt be anything worth a tw except descriptions of a panic attack !!  
> ( nb gay kurapika cause i be self-projecting a bit ) also lots and lots of affection cause uhh i wanna marry leorio

An eerie, stillness emitted throughout the small apartment, utter silence following. The place had been relatively messy; empty mugs on counters and tables, along with tea stains, as well as most of the space being dusty and stuffy. The dim lighting was due to the heavy curtains on all the windows and balcony doors, without even a crack of light peeping through.

Hyperventilation abated from the bedroom, as Kurapika’s panic attack grew immense. Previously napping in one of Leorio’s shirts and boxers, they were awakened from a nightmare, immediately losing their breath. Not long after, their body violently shook, followed with cold sweats. As they were alone throughout the apartment, they shrieked, their head pounding and heart rapidly beating.

Grabbing a chunk of their hair from each side, they pulled down hard, instinctively tearing up from the pain. Their eyes flashed a bright red, they shivered, crawling up as much as they could and tried to endure it until it eventually halted. They stayed put for a while, trembling in inconsistent sequences ranging from a few seconds to over a minute.

They didn’t hear the front door open, with the distant sounds of keys jingling. The sound stopped, and soon after the bedroom opened, with Leorio entering the room.

“Hey, ‘pika, did you not hear m—”

His mood shifted instantly as he saw the sight. Dropping his briefcase, he rushed over to the younger one, absentmindedly kicking off his shoes and getting on the bed next to them.

Kurapika’s body still trembled, but not as violently as before. They murmured under their breath faintly, pausing in between phrases. It was difficult to understand, as they mostly spoke a different language, in which Leorio assumed was their native tongue.

Cautiously, he reached over to the kurta’s side, in which they stirred, but let him do so. Carefully being pulled onto the taller man’s lap, sitting them up as they rested their head against his chest. Kurapika blinked again, slowly looking up at him.

Their eyes were still red, but were relieved to be in their boyfriend's arms. They placed their hand on his chest, burying their face in his navy blue suit. Having a sense of familiarity helped calm him down, and felt a hand stroke his ruffled hair, lowly humming.

Leorio was inevitably worried, as many thoughts ran through his head. _What happened? How long were they this way? Did they hurt themselves?_ He wanted so badly to hug them tightly, but he also didn’t want to startle them with sudden movements. After a few moments, he used his other hand to gently touch their side, to which Kurapika didn’t protest.

“Are you okay?” he asked, obviously knowing the answer. They both knew they weren’t the best in vulnerability, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be persistent in getting them to talk when absolutely necessary. “Why didn’t you call me?”

No immediate response came, which was expected. They stayed put, eyes closed and their breathing was coming back to normal. Just now processing his question, they had to remember the nightmare, which made their throat dry. They were frustrated at themself—having reacted badly over something they knew they couldn’t change. Making Leorio worry about them yet again, as if they hadn’t done that to him for years. They felt they were a horrible person, to themself and to others, for having no regard for anyone’s feelings.

_How could anyone love them?_ Their thoughts rang. _When all they do is cause pain for others? When all they ever wanted was to never lose anyone again? By pushing them away? By being self-destructive in acts of “saving” others? By—_

“Kurapika.”

They snapped out of their self-deprecating notion, realizing they had been crying. Embarrassed, they furiously rubbed their face against Leorio’s undershirt, getting the fabric moist from the tears.

“I’m sorry,” they croaked, barely above a whisper. Clutching the collar of his suit, more tears came running down, and they didn’t care to hide them. “I.. had a nightmare, not too long ago, and I must have blacked out, since I can’t remember anything before you came in..”

Leorio tightly embraced them, stroking their back and softly hushing them as they continued to sob silently. They stayed that way for a while, eventually laying down on the bed after the tall man removed his coat and wrist watch, dropping them on the floor. It wasn’t often Kurapika had panic attacks, and even so, they have all been during the middle of the night, whereas he’d hold them until they’d fallen back asleep, with him shortly following.

Eventually, they spoke, “I’m sorry for making you worry, Leorio.”

He was about to protest before Kurapika continued on.

“I’m sorry that I constantly drag you down; I’ve been a burden within your life.”

They didn’t look up, as they still rested their forehead against his chest. Their hand slowly dragged down from his chest to below his stomach, before retracting it towards their own body. They clutched their hands together, biting their lip.

“I’m sorry for constantly hurting you.”

Something in Leorio broke, suddenly grabbing their shoulders, firmly but still gentle. His expression was mostly worried, but his eyes focused and stern.

“When will you realize that I’m here for you no matter what?” He frowned, eyes watering. “Why do you constantly blame yourself for your trauma? Why won’t you let those who love you help?”

Kurapika looked at him, who wanted to do nothing more than shy away and isolate themself in a secluded area. They didn’t deserve someone who cared so deeply about them. Bringing their hands up, they covered their face as more tears ran.

“Yes, you’ve hurt me, but you’re also here now, aren’t you?” He continued, sniffling, now angry. Not necessarily at Kurapika, but more on the fact they act this way due to their trauma and health. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right.

“I love you, you absolute dumbass! That’s why I’m here, despite everything! Dammit, I wish you’d trust me more with your feelings, because I'll most likely understand them.”

They’re not the only one with heavy trauma. He did grow up poor, orphaned, and lost his first and only best friend at a young age. Maybe it’s not exactly comparable to losing your entire family, along with your clan, but he understood the feeling of loss. He gently took their wrists and moved their hands away, wiping away their tears with his thumbs. Having no remarks for his own tears, he be

“You’ve been doing a lot better than how you used to be. But you have to remember that healing isn’t linear; you’ll have setbacks, and that's perfectly normal. But when you do, that’s why you have me, and other people who care about you!”

Overwhelmed, Kurapika buried their head into his chest once more, hugging him as tightly as he could. They began mumbling erratically, which was hard to make out, as they continued rubbing their face as more tears came. Luckily, Leorio didn’t care about his mostly damp shirt, as laundry was long overdue. He sighed, mostly relieved as Kurapika didn’t push him away and saw him as a source of comfort.

"'M just sayin', don't be afraid to reach out whenever anything happens," he nearly whispered, tenderly stroking their back in circles. "I just care, and I'll continue to do so, whether you like it or not." He sniffled, lazily rubbing his eyes with his free arm. There were perks to being an emotional bastard who had a lot of love for the people he cared about, if he'll ever admit that.

“Leorio..” They murmured after a bit, resting their cheek on his chest. Their face was flushed from the crying, along with a stuffy nose. They didn’t have the energy to care.

“Thank you, for always being here, even when I’m difficult. I love you.”

“Aw, hey..” he blushed slightly, leaning down to kiss the top of their head. “S’my job, as your boyfriend, and your future sexy doctor husband.”

Kurapika rolled their eyes, but didn’t respond with any remark. They hummed as they slowly shifted, moving up slightly so they were better aligned to his face. Grabbing his face, they traced their thumb against his stubbled cheek, which they really didn’t mind. In fact, they oddly enjoyed how coarse it felt. They’ve never admitted that, because they've always pestered Leorio about shaving. ' _For someone who's trying to become a doctor, wouldn't it be more important to look more professional?' They once said, only being met with grimace as Leorio muttered something under his breath, along the lines of him trying to grow a beard._

They hope he never grows a beard--it wouldn't look right on him. Kurapika would not be afraid to tell him that, but of course, they would support him, no matter how horrifying it would be. 

They eventually moved their fingers along his lips, the other hand still on his cheek. His lips were subtly shiny, most likely from the chapstick he'd had on, another thing Kurapika nagged him about. They weren't about to kiss anyone with chapped lips. As they fumbled rubbing his lips, they slowly leaned in closer, admiring the man's face before advancing. 

Leorio’s heart fluttered, as he placed his hands on their waist, pulling them close and closed the gap, softly kissing them. He felt the other sigh contently, and moved their arms around his neck. Pulling away after a few seconds, they remained in place, as the kurta’s eyes glowed red again, but out of contentment. A small, gentle smile followed, which had Leorio’s heart do another flip. _God, they were so beautiful._

Because he felt selfish, he gave them another chaste kiss, along with one on both cheeks, forehead, and nose. Kurapika only chuckled, not hiding their blush. It wasn’t too often they’d allowed him to dote on them like this, but they found themself enjoying, and even craving it. Another prolonged kiss came, unsure who initiated it, but he cupped their face this time, loving how soft their skin was. They enjoyed how big and gentle his hands were, and wanted them on them forever. A small mewl erupted from them, hoping Leorio didn't hear them, and slightly dragged him as close as he could be. 

After Leorio decided he was satisfied, and also out of breath, he pulled back, gazing upon his partner who was flustered and breathless. They remained in place, silently catching their breath. Suddenly, he remembered the first thing he said as soon as he got home, causing him to pull away completely. Kurapika forced themself to not whine as his warm touch left. 

“Are you hungry? I did bring home food if you wanted some.” He asked, as his stomach growled. He remembered they both had breakfast before he left for both work and classes, but knowing them, they probably didn’t eat since then.

Despite not having much of an appetite, Kurapika knew they should eat something, even if it’s small. They nodded, as Leorio helped them out the bed and they both went into the kitchen. They considered changing clothes, as tears and sweat damped their shirt, but decided on doing so later, after eating.

~

It was darker, around eleven or so. The couple laid in bed, both in a change of new pajamas, after a much needed bath that they both shared. They never really bathed together before, but after today’s event, Kurapika needed it, and Leorio was more than happy to help clean their body and hair. It was even more intimate as the kurta always felt insecure about their body, mainly with dysphoria and scarring throughout. Of course, their boyfriend loved them all the same, and even kissed some of their scars on their back while washing them. It took a lot for them not to break down crying in the tub, as they exhaled sharply, relaxing.

Leorio asked to brush their hair, which is something they needed to do more as their hair has nearly become matted due to lack of care. Speechless, they nodded, and they sat in his lap. He had a soft brush, and switched between using his fingers and the brush. Their hair was partially still wet, the blond color slightly darker, but not dripping, so it was easier running his fingers throughout. Without thinking, Leorio leaned down enough to plant another kiss on top, smelling the shampoo they used. Grinning, he continued brushing their hair for a couple minutes, before Kurapika asked if they could lie down.

“Oh,” he deadpanned, slightly disappointed as he enjoyed touching their hair. That soon washed away, realizing he can still feel them close when they cuddle. “Of course.”

They were soon spooning, Kurapika being the bigger spoon, as they preferred this, and Leorio loved being held like this. They were both exhausted, but happy to be in each other’s presence. The room was now dark and cold, but their warmth was in contrast against it, along with a single thick blanket covering them both. Or at least Kurapika, as it only covered half of Leorio. Kurapika buried their face into his back, comforted by his scent, mixed with the soap and his natural one, arms wrapped around him tightly. They were so grateful that Leorio made them feel safe and secure. 

“I love you so much,” they softly murmured, partially muffled.

They secretly enjoyed this affection, but could never audibly admit it. They made a mental note to initiate more of it in the future, assuming Leorio doesn’t make a big deal out of it. Half awake, they gently kissed his back through the thin fabric, feeling the man slightly shiver. They smirked to themself, eyes dimmed. He loved this affection just as much, if not more.

Leorio places a hand on top of theirs, gently squeezing. He then turned to face them, smiling contently, cupping their face. He felt so lucky to have them here, to be able to give and receive affection. Leaning in to kiss their forehead, he gently stroked their cheek with his thumb.

“Love you more, sunshine.”

Instantly awakened, Kurapika’s face reddened, along with their eyes. They felt so loved, they could nearly cry again.

“I—” they started, but drawing a blank.

Without anything to retaliate with, they buried their face in the crook of his neck. He chuckled, teasing him while stroking their hair, in which he was gently elbowed in the chest. He fake whined, mumbling that it hurt, in hopes of getting sympathy. Kurapika softly groaned and rolled their eyes, but obliged with a gentle kiss on his chest, to the area they elbowed. Indulged, he stroke their hair once again, as it was now completely dry, the bright and soft blond felt like silk between his fingers, and he never wanted to let go. 

Soon enough, the exhaustion got the better of Kurapika, and slowly fell asleep in his arms. Leorio watched as their breathing followed a slow and steady pattern, which was peaceful and solemn. He since stopped stroking, but still held the back of their head, his other arm wrapped around him over the blanket. Not long after, he fell asleep as well, not long before it turned midnight.


End file.
